You have the bladder capacity of three people.
You believe that 25% of people are a waste of protoplasm.
Your idea of a good time is an armed robbery at shift change.
You've asked Santa for an automatic weapon.
You request a criminal history on anyone who seems friendly towards you.
Discussing dismemberment over a gourmet meal seems perfectly normal.
You own Kevlar underwear.
You find humor in other's stupidity.
You believe in aerial spraying of PROZAC.
You buy black leather for reasons other than home entertainment.
You know "GOING POSTAL" doesn't mean mailing a letter.
You believe that "ugly in public" should be grounds for arrest.
You believe that some people should have to get a permit to reproduce.
You fear the outcome if someone comments, "Boy it sure is quiet…"
You believe that coffee and donuts are two of the four food groups.
You own at least five pairs of mirrored glasses.
You've ever wanted to fence off part of your city and turn it into a prison.
You believe that "too stupid to live" should be a valid verdict.
You have ever had to put the caller on hold before you started laughing.
You wanted to hold a seminar entitled "Suicide, get it right the first time."
You have ever heard a Sergeant say, "Who's in charge of this mess, anyway."
You paid more for your sidearm than you did for your car.
It occurs to you that you are policing "The Twilight Zone."
You find out a lot about paranoia just by following people around.
You refer to your work as "collecting garbage."
You think of politicians, lawyers and disease causing bacteria as the same life form.
You think that if you weren't meant to drive fast, they wouldn't have given you a car with lights and sirens.
You believe it's not a good death unless it causes overtime.
You haven't seen it all - just all the sick parts.
You have trouble differentiating between counsel and client.
You believe that everyone's IQ drops by 50% when they get behind the wheel of a car.
You know that Miranda wasn't a dancer.
You don't see daylight from November to May.
People shout, "I didn't do it!" when you walk into a room, because they think it's funny and original.
You believe strongly in involuntary sterilization.
You believe in a "public stupidity" law, for those cases where nothing else fits.
You are beginning to like the smell of pepper spray in the evening air.
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"Be Alert and Stay Alive"